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Monday, December 14th, 2009
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11:35 pm
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You Have an Idealistic Heart
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Your heart craves true love. You may wait a long time for it, but you're willing to wait.
You have an idea of what love should be like, and you're not about to settle. You want your heart to be genuinely happy.
It's likely that your heart has been broken quite a bit. Your heart is easily disappointed.
It takes a long time for your heart to heal. You never forget the wounds that have been inflicted on it.
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Your Soul's Urge is Love
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You feel connected to the world around you, and you love interacting with people.
You believe that companionship is an important part of life, and you try to have as many friends as possible.
You are the best friend that anyone could ask for. You are kind, sensitive, considerate, and loyal.
You find it easy to grow close to people, and you are emotionally effected by those around you. You are very empathetic.
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(comment on this)
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11:23 pm - Agatha
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I'm not quite sure what to do with you.
You're such a stupid girl.
I know you really want to make something out of this, i know you're really hoping and holding on but you can't make something out of nothing. Could you not tell that there wasn't any chemistry between us at all? Maybe on your part, definetly not on mine.
Some other girls may eat this shit you spit right out of your hand but not me.
You reek of desperation to me.
Trying to act cute and coy and failing miserably but i still play along.
Laugh at your jokes, tell you "of course i miss you babe!", touch your arm, shoot a smile your way.
Your telling me you love me, always missing me, wanting to kiss me.
Too much too soon.
Especially with the sex stuff.
You don't even fucking know me.
What i find humourus is that you keep professing this "love" you supposedly have for me and i always remain silent. Never once saying "i love you" back or even remotely sharing any of those feelings.
But i kept my promise to you, i havn't broken it.
I said i'd build you up, make you feel wanted and i know i'm achieving it.
You have so much to learn about this game.
Not saying i'm the best but i at least can see what's being dealt infront of me. I know the cards that others put into play.
Oh, i'm going to have so much fun with you and that thing that you call a heart.
I know i might seem like a bitch for doing this but i figure, i'm young.
I'm allowed to play for a little while longer, why wouldn't i take advantage? Why wouldn't i play? You only live once and i don't want to be one of those people that looks back and say "damn, i should have done this", i think people are more disappointed about what they didn't do as opposed to what they did do because there's always that "what if.." And plus, who the hell doesn't like to feel like they're wanted?
You want a girlfriend that youre proud to show off to others, to hold her and go out with her to places. Someone you look at and makes you hungry for them and you are definetly not any of these things to me my dear. I already have someone that drives me crazy in that way.
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(comment on this)
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4:52 pm - Teddy
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No, i will not "hit you back" because that allows room for conversation and i don't want that.
Your intentions are clear to me, have been from the very begining and they are nothing good.
You're the kind of guy where "beware of evil men" applies to.
You try to mask it, twist and bind me by your words but i see through it, i see you.
You do not have a good heart.
Mine may not be the best either but i know i deserve more, better then that.
I know when to quit and this is when, i'm done playing games with you.
I can tell this game of cat and mouse we play can get a lot more volatile and that is one i am not willing to play.
That is not a price im willing to pay.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 13th, 2009
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9:57 am
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Good fucking night last night.
Ended up going to Lissa's for a bit first, did a few bumps there with her.
Havn't done ecstasy in such a long time, not crazy about snorting it but whatever. It was hers anyways.
Then we headed to Mel's place and hung out until 8:30ish just talking and being entertained by her cats. She got two new ones. Princess and Toby. They're so tiny!
Met up with John and Tony around 9, stayed at his place, played video games for about an hour before we went to Slovac's place to watch the UFC fight with a few other guys. Ended up watching it until the end. The cut that Sanchez got with that kick was brutal towards the end. There were drinks and shit but surprisingly i didn't have any, just a sip. Alcohol isn't my choice of drug really to get hopped up on. Plus i was already on E and by the time the fight ended it was 1 in the morning meaning i had to leave somewhat soon. Ended up grabbing 2.5g though before, rolled two fattys right outside the house before some old woman came outside and was like "WHAt THE fuck do you know the time? i call the cops, you louD" so of course Mel yelled at her to tell her to shut the fuck up meaning we had to leave, that's when we noticed this SUV that was following us around, even drove around the block a couple times but they missed us i think because we went down a little pathway and it's hard to see down. Didn't smoke much either, just a couple tokes. Same thing with Lissa.
Ended up getting home almost 4 in the morning.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 12th, 2009
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1:07 pm
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12:25 pm - sonia
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Clean your hands,
turn around,
try not to let this eat you up and walk away.
I really think i should walk away for now, for a bit, but i don't want to make the wrong decision here.
I know i've got something really good in my grasp and i don't want to risk losing it.
I don't want to to risk losing you.
It's a thought that i've been mulling over in my head.
I'm not sure if i should end things, quit it all now, quit you, spare myself the hurt that i know will inevitably come sometime around. I barely ever get to see you and it's just so goddamn fucking frustrating.
Then, on the other hand i could just wait and ride this out and see where it goes but i think i know.
I think i know.
I don't want to give up on you or us just yet but it might be in the best interest for now.
For me? For you? For both of us? I'm not even sure but what i am sure of is that you've invaded my thoughts, my mind.
I don't want to say "i love you" and i havn't, neither have you and i know it's for the same reason as me. It's thrown around way too much and easily these days. It means nothing, saying "i love you." Over-used, meaningless words. Show me instead.
To be completely honest, you also intimidate me a bit and normally, people don't get that rise out of me. That's another reason of many why you intrigue me so much. You have such amazing, great ambitions and i believe you will succeed with anything and everything you like as long as the work is there to be put in on your half. I feel like i have such work to do in that department.
I don't really know if you can quite see or understand my dilemma seeing as i don't even know how to explain it properly, my thoughts. I'm not even done thinking it through.
So, what should i do?
I'll tell you what i'll do, what i always do.
I will slowly start to distance myself from you. I'll try to ignore you, i'll avoid you a little more each passing day. I'll miss you and it will hurt. I will try my best to talk myself into thinking it was the right thing to do. What other choice did i have? Time will pass and thoughts of you will cloud my mind every now and then. I'll try to imagine what would have happened if i had choose the other path. That's what will probably happen.
Is that what i really want to happen?
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(comment on this)
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12:46 am
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Screw you all.
I wish i could say this.
God, i wish i could say this and really mean it.
I wanna hate you.
I want to bring you down.
I want to forget you.
I want not to care.
But it's just not who i am
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, December 7th, 2009
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9:11 pm
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Crush me baby, i'm all yours.
So, you kinda have something important to tell me, infact you're still "shocked" about it.
You say you want to tell me but your not sure how to.
You almost seem a little scared to spit it out,
I wonder what it could possibly be or what you think of me to be so hesitant to tell me.
For me to trust you, you have to be truthful.
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7:53 pm
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I let out all my breath
concentrate on sinking deeper and deeper and...
oh, but what's poised below?
What monsters of the deep might decide to chew on me?
Will it hurt, the final release?
Is there pain when the spirit pries itself free of the flesh?
Why worry about that now?
I can feel the excavation, and it's painless so far.
My lungs fill with water. Silt. Mud.
Now it hurts to breathe. So i won't.
I'll settle deep into darkness.
And i won't say goodbye.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 6th, 2009
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2:13 pm
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Any drugs would be good right this moment.
Heroin. Cocaine. Ecstasy.
Not too sure about psychedelics.
They say acid and 'shrooms make you look inside our own head,
help you learn about yourself.
Sorry, not interested.
I'm afraid if i looked inside my head, i'd find something really scary.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 5th, 2009
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1:23 pm
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1:16 am
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sαηdrα * says:
dont tease me tonight
sonia;; says:
you tease me all the timee
sonia;; says:
sandra, your the ultimate tease
sαηdrα * says:
i most certainly am not
sonia;; says:
you most certainly are.
sαηdrα * says:
nope.
sonia;; says:
you know you do, are.
sαηdrα * says:
so you sayyyyy
sonia;; says:
so i know
I don't know how to feel about this. I've been called this many times from both women and men. I never really thought it was true but i am. I don't do it intentionally or knowingly, i don't even realize i'm doing it at first but i do realize that after a bit what i am doing and how i could possibly be playing around with peoples feelings and heads but i really don't mean it...at first. But then there's some people that straight off the bat are such liars and users and it's so obvious by the things they say, like Jenhial for example. Lied straight up off the bat when i first met him about such stupid things and i know that he did but i didn't let on. When it's people like that, it's like "yeah, i'm gunna give it right back to you, asshole. You're gunna see." But then there are those innocent ones that cross my pathway that should really try their best to hide to see it that they don't get hit by any crossfire. I'm sorry.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
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10:42 pm
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| Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
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6:35 pm - A breathe of sunshine.
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I cant keep my place
Feels like I've been awake for days
Sadly, you turn away and now I'm faced with the harsh truth;
My cold heart is a place where true love cannot bloom
There's static on the airwaves
I'll try to find the light through all this haze
I can't find the words that I'm trying to say
So try to forget me as I walk away
Shouldn't I be alright?
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
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10:21 pm
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Martini 01 December at 21:43
heyyyy girl heyyy!
I just wanted to say that It was really nice seeing you on Friday, like I know It was kinda awkward in the beginning cause I was scared to say something but hey it worked out, i hope we can be friends again cause I want to forget about the past and start something new! Is that fine with you?
Carv 01 December at 21:49
Yeah, it was good seeing Friday! I know, i kinda felt that from you, the awkwardness but hey, like you said, it's the past and i've been done with that for a long time now anyways aha we should deff chill all again sometime, pretty funny on Friday esp with tony, kinda has a thing for you i think ;) LOL
Martini 01 December at 21:52
you have nO Idea how happy I am right now!
Like we soo should chill more often all of us, what about this weekend?! like i don't care when, let's just all have a good time like old times!
LMAO Tony, ahh you might be right who knows hehe
mmm could i have yo msn ;D ?! if thats ok :$:$:$
-----
Me and her made up.
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10:18 pm
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Sometimes i wanna scream at you,
at everyone,
who tells me their problems.
I want to help
but
i have my own too.
It's okay,
i'll shut up and keep it in,
i'll still offer my shoulder to lean on and offer you my best advice.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 30th, 2009
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10:55 pm
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You're starved for affection
but sweetheart,
you ain't gunna get it from me.
Not the kind your looking for anyways.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 29th, 2009
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10:27 am - Fiction.
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she's lost in coma where it's beautiful
intoxicated from the deep sleep,
do you wonder what it's like living in a permanent imagination?
sleeping to escape reality, but you like it like that
guilty by design
she's nothing more then fiction.
she dreams in digital, cause it's better then nothing.
now that control is gone, it seems unreal
and your pixel army can't save you now
my finger's on the kill switch
i remember i used to compose your dreams
control your dreams
and don't be afraid to expose yourself
before i shut you down
you made some changes since the virus caught you sleeping
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 28th, 2009
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10:50 am
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The room is fairly dark and for some reason the colour's been completely knocked out.
Only white, black and shades in between - almost giving it a glamorous, soft feel to everything.
She's in a black bra and not much of anything else, she gets up when she see's me entering.
I look at her and feel a small smile curl up on my lips while i'm walking over to her.
I lay down beside her, notice we're not alone. There's two other strange women sitting close by that i've never seen before. Doesn't bother me, i know i've got her.
My attention goes back to the one i'm laying next to, she's just looking at me.
Pulls me closer to her so she can steal a kiss, i let her.
I get on top of her, over her, and i instantly feel her hands on my waist as i'm tasting her lips.
So much desire,
lust,
smouldered passion hiding behind.
Somethings keeping her back and i wanna draw it out. I want to find out what.
I stop, lay beside her instead. Not today. Not tonight.
She gets closer to me and puts her hand on my right hip and lets it rest there.
She's so close to me that i can feel her eyelashes on the bottom of my face.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 27th, 2009
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2:42 pm
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But i am different.
And i don't understand exactly how.
And i don't understand just why.
All i know is i love how it feels.
And i know i'm going to lose it,
just like i've lost everything important in my life.
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